5 1/2 months old!

I had my follow up MRI and lots of blood work done back in November and everything looked great! Praise The Lord! All the blood was absorbed and I did not have a stroke. They believe that with all the stress of the HELLP syndrome and delivery and everything else, a blood vessel in my brain had popped and was irritating the part of the brain which is feeling for my left side. After 5 months of back and forth from the one doctor to another, I finally am in the clear and only need to go back "as needed". One thing though, is 3 out of 3 of my doctors told us "I'm not telling you you can't have anymore kids, but I would highly think twice about it before doing so". Darren and I talked and we've decideded it's more important for me to be here for my family than to try to have more kids. So I have one last appointment next week to basically block my tubes. It wasn't the easiest decision by any means, but we both know its the right one. My OB told me I was the worst case of HELLP syndrome they had ever seen. Because it hit me so hard, so early into my pregnancy. She told me it usually happens around 37 weeks, they deliver, mom and baby are fine. But mine was 28 weeks (technically 25, but it somehow slipped passed all the doctors and tests for 3 weeks). Then, delivery was suppose to be the cure, but I continued to get worse. A common thing I hear is that I'm not the cookie cutter as far as symptoms, diagnosis and treatment. It kind of became the joke while I was in the hospital. Doctors always came into my room, looked at me with a puzzled look on their face, saying I looked way worse on paper than I did in person. I guess I always liked being different. It's a very scary thing though when multiple doctors tell you how lucky you were you didn't die. How do you respond to something like that? I'm just so thankful Brynlee and I are both here. 

At Brynlees last doctors appointment she weighed 8 lbs 12 oz! She had to get a shot called synagis. It's a shot they recommend for all preemies for RSV season. It won't prevent her from getting RSV, but it will help make it not as severe because she will already have the antibodies in her to fight it off. Apparently it's a very expensive shot and has to be approved through insurance first. I'm a little nervous come January when our deductible starts over for the year. But you can't put a price on something as important as this. 

Brynlee has been doing great! She smiles at almost everything you do (especially her dad) and has such a personality already. Sometimes when she's just crying and crying and you've tried everything (rocking her, talking to her, sitting her up, walking around with her, etc) all she really wants is to be left alone. So you lay her down and she's the happiest kid on the block. She loves getting her diaper changed and actually almost thinks it's funny. She laughs and squeaks really loud with big smiles following. She must just love all the attention soley on her at that moment. She's started batting at toys. She's a total daddy's girl on the weekends (probably because she's tired of just mommy come Saturday haha). She's slowly starting to grow out of her newborn clothes (mommies pretty sad about this, although it's obviously good news). We've had a good handful of nights that she'll sleep all through the night (yay!) but it's still mostly every 4-6 hours. We tried giving her rice cereal this weekend and she hated it haha! So I guess well just wait until she's ready for it. 

Mommys biggest struggle:

Because Brynlee is still so tiny and fragile and her immune system still isn't very strong, we limit her contact with germs as much as possible. There's just no need to expose her to them if we don't need to. This includes passing her around and letting others hold her. ESPECIALLY during RSV, whooping cough, and flu season. She just absolutely can not get sick. I mean it's already a huge thing that we even go out (restaurants, family gatherings, holiday events, etc) The only people who have held her outside of mom and dad are immediate family (grandmas, grandpas, and aunts) And I know there are people out there who don't agree and that's my struggle. I'm sorry you don't agree with us but please just support us. I'm sure you would love to hold her and love to love on her but that's not what's best for her right now. And that's not even just coming from me. That's coming from her doctor. It's so hard when people "suggest" I let other people hold her or ask to hold her and I have to tell them no. I know people don't understand because they haven't been in our shoes, but for the exact reason please just support us. It just tears me up when people argue or question our decisions. Please please please just stand behind us and help make our lives easier. When you have a preemie you can do whatever you want and make whatever rules you want. But this is our daughter and this is what we have chosen is best for her. - End of rant. I've spent sleepless nights the last few nights thinking about this and I just had to get it off my chest. Thanks for reading it though!